I went to confession. Not with a priest, but with myself. I’m talking all out confession. After my functional medicine doctor called me and told me that my numbers have gone haywire, not his medical terms at all, but this is me interpreting our conversation, I drove home like a zombie.
My Liar Self Talked To My Truth Self
I told myself those numbers can’t be right. They were.
I told myself that I was eating so healthy. I wasn’t.
I told myself that I was working out so hard. Not really, unless you count walking to my car and back and the occasional walk of the dog. Then, yes I was exercising.
I need to fix this.
“Yes, you do and now.” Was what myself said back to my liar self.
It has taken me until the age of 42 to realize that eating healthy and doing what I need to do cannot be a part time job that I only pay attention to when I’m in trouble. After that phone conversation I was more than scared.
Most certainly going to have a heart attack at any moment.
I’m not one to hem and haw about certain things. This became one of them. I just said, “Okay. Let’s go” Why so chipper? Why was this so easy? I was scared. The only reason why I finally faced this was the gallons of fear that began to pour into my brain. I mean, I even started to plan how I was going to have a heart attack and what hospital I would be brought to, by screaming ambulance of course.
I started with mindset and chanted to myself, “I want to get healthy, not lose weight, to put it back on.” I began to avoid using the term, “lose weight” because I feel, in some sort of subconscious act, that my body will want to find it again because it needs to. You know how the body just kind of works on its own subconsciously, like when you’re driving down the highway and have no idea how you got to point a to point b. Yup, you do know what I mean right? That kind of subconscious is what I’m talking about.
I was a pro at buying organic, but some how those ultra sugary sweets, and breads, and foods that just made my thyroid wacky, snuck into my cart. These foods added a food baby to my body, made me feel really good while I was eating it, but made me feel really bad after. They all made their way from the cart to my body. Until I told myself enough and stop and I actually got mad and went to confession with my sister, but more importantly with myself.
I confessed it all. I love my sister and I just needed someone to listen.
I ate a whole sleeve of cookies.
I polished off a whole candy bar in one sitting.
I ate all of the chips.
I pretend that I’m not chewing a big pile of candy when my son comes in.
It went on and on. With the occasional “guilty here” and the “I ate a sleeve of cookies,” always made a comeback.
Have you ever taken yourself to confession? Try it. It really is amazing and lifts a lot off of your shoulders.
Every body is different. We know that. And never mind the pressures of social media. That is just beyond and warped because super skinny does not mean super healthy. My doctor made that very clear to me.
Being healthy is more about mind, body, and soul checks.
I decided to start to learn about food and what it is actually doing in my body. I work out. I mediate and journal. I talk to God and family and friends about it. I’m trying now to stay active and get my body back into a healthy state. I give myself grace. I know that I am trying the best that I can. I can honestly say that now and not feel like a gold light is going to come from the heavens and say, “Sounds like lies. All lies my daughter.”
Here’s to health and the 11 pounds that have gone to greener pastures.
Are you on a health journey? Let me know. I’d love to support you! Cheer you on and yes, I will take you to confession, but you have to do the talking and the listening. I’m just the driver.